Friday, July 22, 2005

“And my heart flew from it’s cage and bled upon my sleeve”

Last night, after enjoying Swiss Toni’s 99 truths and one lie, I decided that I would endeavor a similar post. It seemed like such a fun exercise, at the time. Sure, spinster, come jump off a cliff, too, will you…

Here’s what I discovered in the process: There are truths I have never told as an adult. There are some truths that make me anxious, even to write them on the page. It was damn hard to think up a plausible lie. The thought of sharing one particular truth can ruin my whole damn evening.

And so this morning, I got out The Life of Pi…that book by Yann Martel that was so popular a year or so ago. I have mixed feelings about the story, but the book is so important to me because of Chapter 56. It’s not a chapter that’s even in the discussion section at the end of the book, but for me it is the most powerful because it’s about fear.

This is the part I re-read this morning: “The matter is difficult to put into words. For fear, real fear, such as shakes you to your foundation, such as you feel when you are brought face to face with your mortal end, nestles in your memory like a gangrene: it seeks to rot everything, even the words with which to speak of it. So you must fight hard to express it. You must fight hard to shine the light of words upon it. Because if you don’t, if your fear becomes a wordless darkness you avoid, perhaps even manage to forget, you open yourself to further attacks of fear because you never truly fought the opponent who defeated you.”

Still, I don't think that particular fact list will be making it to the internet anytime soon.


SwissToni said...

you should spin - it's surprisingly liberating. There are things in that list that I had never mentioned to a living soul before I started blogging. I agree that there are some things that you might think about other people that may be left unsaid, but true things about yourself? How bad can they be? They're part of what makes you you.


Aravis said...

First of all, I love the Indigo Girls! :0)

Share what you're ccomfortable with sharing. If somewhere down the line you feel you want or need to share more of yourself, go ahead. Do what feels right to you.

spinsterwitch said...

Thanks for the encouragement....

And, yay! Another Indigo Girls fan.