Good question. I wonder that most days. Where am I going? Am I going anywhere? When I get there is it some place I'm going to want to be? Or am I going to have to keep going forever? Will I never be happy with where I am?
When I rode the bus a lot, I used to like to look forward, out the front of the bus. I'm not sure if I still would do that, or would I stare into the space just in front of my nose like the other spaced out commuters?
Lately...3 times this week...street lights have been going dim as I go by. It happened again tonight. Didn't we talk about this at Foxy's once before she retreated to her den? What does it mean that my lights go out, when others' go on?
I had a great time tonight with HippyChick, but I'm ending the night feeling sad. Is it true what my therapist suggested that I just can't let something good be good? That I can't let myself fully enjoy the gifts that the world throws me, but have to twist it into something wrong?
And who knew that the side-effects could really dissipate that fast on my meds? I will be going up to the full initial dose tomorrow...I don't have any questions about the fact that those side-effects will come back. But hopefully they won't last.
At least once a day, I've thought to myself, "I resolve to feel better. I will take actions to get back to my normal self." So why, by the end of the day, has that feeling, that momentum, fled into - at best - a feeling of nothing?
Why do I have so many questions tonight?
I'm going to bed to read Found Magazine now. Do you think I'll find myself?