So this weekend, I was cleaning and I came across the write-up of my 2006 overview tarot reading by a lovely woman named Sarah. (An aside: Sarah owned a bookstore, Changemakers, which I just learned on Saturday has gone under. :(...)
I don't remember which deck I chose to have the reading from...it's a round deck, but not Motherpeace. It's very woman oriented. The reading is divided into messages from different parts of myself.
Message from Intuition: Cerridwen (Crone of Flames - Sagittarius) - All-knowing and powerful keeper of the Flames. She controls sexuality, spirituality, and creativity. She asks for your willingness to change - to be cooked in the cauldron of all possibilities. Throw yourself into what inspires you in this moment (for it will change). Stoke your passion. Become wise in the use of your energy, creativity and truth.
Message from Body: Strength - Pay attention to what you have passion for and use it to further your life. Walk through obstacles with head up and shoulders back - This is your initiation. You have the inner strength to meet any challenge with courage, vitality and power. The Capable Lioness of Confidence walks with you - who would dare oppose you? Who would waste this power? Not you!
Message from Emotions: Oppression - Time to throw off the rocks of oppression, supression, and repression in your emotional life. Look closely and honestly at the faces of the rocks. Who is holding you down in your life? What ties or memories keep you back? Who keeps you stagnant? Houses are burning to show you the flames of truth. Wolves are calling for helpers. Speak the names of your oppression and helpers will come to lift the burden.
Message from Spirit: Mami Watu..the Mermaid (Maiden of Cups - Pisces) - Your spirit says, "Child you need some cool, delicious waters to soothe all those flames!" The maiden fearlessly seeks pleasure, falling in love with the moment, being so present and aware of every sensation that the arrival of a butterfly on your shoulder could bring on orgasm. Relax. Clear your mind of the past and the future. This moment right now is the gift - isn't it so romantic?! Life's lessons don't have to be hard. Pleasure, beauty, love and dreams are teachers, too.
Next Phase of Your Life: Ecstasy...Innana's House of Heaven (10 of Cups) - Yahoooo! Ahhhh! Bliss, ecstatic love that bonds in body and spirit. Water-healing, harmony of emotions, release! Perfect love and perfect trust are the structures that make a safe space for this blissful merging with bodies and grace and the mystery. This is the payoff for diligent work, staying present, staying open to the truth, facing fears. A completion of the emotions, a merging with spirit swimming in the sea of souls - a taste of the divine.
Okay, now consider that when I had the reading I was in the midst of depression (I hadn't started the medications, yet)...and the only card that made sense to me was the message from my emotions. I couldn't imagine moving into what is described by the 10 of cups. Now, it seems much clearer...the internal work that I'm doing feels much more directed, and honestly all this attention, dating, and playing is helping me identify my stuck places.
This is good...oh, and I went with my intuition and cancelled with the Disser for tonight. I think that it was a good call.