Saturday, December 16, 2006

"You need help!"

I spent most of yesterday running around...and I didn't get quite as much cleaning done as I wanted. Mostly, I was preoccupied with thoughts of my therapy session. I have a hard time coming to terms with my fear of my own anger. My therapist pointed out somethings that made me realize just how dangerous my own anger feels to me. And mostly it's around the script that I play for myself that I'm invisible...nobody sees me. I need to do so serious rewriting of that script, I think.

Today, I looked back at my posts from last December, and I just want to give a joyful shout out to Zoloft. Now, it's not the only thing that got me through my depression, my friends, my blog, therapy and just accepting that I could get help went a long way toward it. But acceptance was hard. It took feeling the seductiveness of suicidal thoughts to make me realize that this was not something that I should mess with any longer.

I cannot tell you how much better I feel today than last year at this time. I'm living a different life. Even on the days when I feel down, I can welcome the feelings and feel them and not worry that I'm going to feel that way every day or even all day. I don't cry every day. I don't struggle to get out of bed. I don't want to hide under my desk from anxiety.

Coming out of depression is a beautiful thing.

Okay, then. I'm going to head out shortly and start my weekend. I'll be back to blog probably on Monday.

6 comments:

qqqqqqqqq said...

I'm so glad to hear it. But I knew you were going to feel better eventually.

You can't fail. It's not in the cards....
.
.

Aravis said...

My therapist is always trying to make me feel safe enough to release that anger, but like you I'm afraid of what that would mean.

It's wonderful the transformation you've undergone in the past year. I'm so happy for you, that you're free of that terrible depression. I hope you're enjoying the weekend!

red one said...

Oh, I dunno about the zoloft... I think it's cos you're a star!

It's nice to have a happier Spin.

Hippy Chick said...

I agree, Zoloft may have helped but it didn't make you try new things (and I think you know what I mean) - that was pure Spin at her best :)

Flash said...

I agree, it is a beautiful thing.
I have to say though, I don't recall this Zoloft fella...

Fred said...

What a wonderful post, Spin. I'm so glad things are looking brighter for you. It should be a great holiday.