I spent most of yesterday running around...and I didn't get quite as much cleaning done as I wanted. Mostly, I was preoccupied with thoughts of my therapy session. I have a hard time coming to terms with my fear of my own anger. My therapist pointed out somethings that made me realize just how dangerous my own anger feels to me. And mostly it's around the script that I play for myself that I'm invisible...nobody sees me. I need to do so serious rewriting of that script, I think.
Today, I looked back at my posts from last December, and I just want to give a joyful shout out to Zoloft. Now, it's not the only thing that got me through my depression, my friends, my blog, therapy and just accepting that I could get help went a long way toward it. But acceptance was hard. It took feeling the seductiveness of suicidal thoughts to make me realize that this was not something that I should mess with any longer.
I cannot tell you how much better I feel today than last year at this time. I'm living a different life. Even on the days when I feel down, I can welcome the feelings and feel them and not worry that I'm going to feel that way every day or even all day. I don't cry every day. I don't struggle to get out of bed. I don't want to hide under my desk from anxiety.
Coming out of depression is a beautiful thing.
Okay, then. I'm going to head out shortly and start my weekend. I'll be back to blog probably on Monday.