Tuesday, August 25, 2009

When I feel overwhelmed...

My general reaction is to try to stick my head in the sand. Either by reading, blogging, playing "Restaurant City" on Facebook. None of this is terribly effective except in the very short term.

Lately, I've been really overwhelmed. This is a by-product of my work. I've never loved the job I'm in. For an introvert, it's somewhat excruciating to be in the midst of a dialysis center. But over the past 9 months, I have not been able to adjust myself to the task of getting all the new things done.

I've never been able to get everything done. I think that most people feel that way at this position, but with the new rules that the CMS came up with, there has been more work...more paperwork. Which means that the amount of time to do the social work that I enjoy doing more than the paperwork is not happening as often. But the need for that doesn't go away. So things pile up.

Psychically, I am standing on my tiptoes to look over the pile of stuff that needs doing in order to see the screen in front of me.

I was talking to my co-worker yesterday about feeling anxious and how this often makes me feel sick (or make bad food choices which makes me sick). We talked about the possibility that I need to increase my antidepressants (she's a social worker, too, we talk about these things).

Here's the problem: I go home and over the weekend, or on vacation, or during my days off, I feel good. I feel happy about things generally. I like choir and singing and dancing. I have fun with my friends when I get to see them. I am in love with S and continue to enjoy spending time with him.

My anxiety and feeling down all revolves around this job. Bah humbug!


Hippie Chick said...

I totally hear you. I go back and forth between anxiety/exhaustion/depression and feeling competent and good about my workplace.

I know the job market and economy are hard right now but it might help to set aside specific times in the evenings or weekends to see what's out there and get some resumes out or expand your private practice so that you could possibly decrease your hours at your dialysis job if that's an option.

I'm happy you are singing again - I bet that helps in many ways! Sending you positive energy, friend!

Aravis said...

I agree with Hippie Chick.

In the meantime, can you go for a walk or leave the building during lunch break? Getting out won't help get the backlogged work done, but taking a breather from the place might help mentally, if you're able to do so.

shorty said...

Hi stranger!

Chin up. You are great and everyone who knows you, knows that.

Take care of you.