Wednesday, March 09, 2005

The spinster speaks

I sometimes go on these little blog tours...I think I described one in an earlier post. On a recent tour, I came across a blog in which a woman laid out her strong insecurities. I was amazed by her honesty and clarity and her insight. And also humbled that, despite all of that (honesty, clarity and insight), it was still difficult for her to move beyond her insecurities. The other thought that popped up was that the reminder that I am just not that fucked up -thank the gods. It seems weird to profit from others' insecurities in this way, but sometimes you just have to take whatever little snippets of gold you can get.

I am now going to commence on a small rant, be forewarned. I am left to wonder why it is that so many are so afraid of being alone that they will continue in relationships that are abusive or neglectful? I mean, I know the reasons, but the insanity of it all sometimes just leaves me feeling confused and breathless. I know that I am strange in my spinsterhood to most in this society, but I can say with some confidence that you really will survive. And amazingly enough, according to most surveys, if you are a woman, you may actually be happier (once you get past the panic stages I know are common post-break-up).

Now, lest I begin to get hate mail from my good friends, I want to acknowledge all the wonderful and supportive relationships that I am privy to in my life. I have even been privileged to officiate at the joining of the lives of good people. But these are the types of relationships we should be holding out for. Sure they ain't perfect, but they involve the gift and receipt of respect between partners. They involve a mutual commitment and, often, a shared love for many things.

This spinster hopes and yearns for the day when she will have someone in her home and heart. Somedays, there is a bitterness that I have not been able to find what I am looking for and the knowledge that it may not ever happen. But I hold onto my sanity in bits and pieces.

Okay, enough of a rant today...

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