Monday, June 06, 2005

The better I get, the worse it feels

I've worked really hard on my self-esteem for most of my life. And, really, I feel pretty confident and happy with myself on most days. But it seems like the more I root out the little pieces of pain, regret, or fear, the more I uncover of something bigger underneath. Friday was one of those days when I got hit with loneliness so hard, I just didn't know what to do with it. It never lasts for long - I woke up on Saturday to sunshine and a day of rest. But it's as though all the little shit were a smoke screen to something deep. They distracted me from some other piece of myself that I don' t quite know what to do with yet. But, I guess, just writing this I answered the big question of what it is...loneliness.


Flash said...

what is loneliness?
It's a bastard, that's what it is!

Calia77 said...

Hi. Found you through your post on Soaring's blog.

Babes - loneliness is a killer. I know. And you know what, even when you have friends and people to be with, there will always be times when it hits you down. When your hormones are playing up, you're tired or just plain down in the dumps after a crappy day at work. So put a CD on, turn it up loud and dance round your room! Tends to work for me.

Or I have a good old moan at God about it, and fall asleep.