On a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being a week ago last Monday and 10 being the day I get a $10 raise), today was a 3. I read tarot cards before going to work in the a.m. Today, in the work section I drew the Justice reversed card...and it was dead on. The person who had been our interim manager is now our permanent manager...the other people learning this were so enthusiastic. I know that I started off on a bad foot with this person. The day felt like another in a series of "what Spinsterwitch did wrong" - although I suspect this was more because I'm being more vigilant to that than the "what Spinsterwitch did right" signals.
I also realized as I was driving to see clients, that I felt like all the various troubles I'm having at work were mine to solve alone. I don't know how to ask for help. I don't like changing my routine (because it's mine and I'm alone, right).
Then I realized how pervasive this idea is for me. I have this mythology about my life (FFS, let's talk about my on-line name, shall we). I'm a loner...the odd one out...she not picked for the team, if anyone can help it.
I don't know exactly where I'm going with all of this, but I realize that this is something I just don't know how to change very well (especially when it comes to work...because do you ask for help when asking for help might be a sign of weakness to the new manager? And what kind of help would I be asking for anyway...especially when I don't have trust).
I'm going to give it through the new year...if it doesn't get better, I'm going to start a serious job search. This is just sucking something vital out of me - oh, that's it, joy! (along with the ability to have a restful night's sleep)
Just one more day before the 4 day weekend...there's a little bit of joy right there.