Tuesday, January 10, 2006

"Tear you apart"

There are people who, when they attack, will be more vicious than a pitbull.

I was having a good day. I felt like things were going well. Then I got this phone call. There was no warning, and there it was. I was being attacked for something that was not my fault. There was no reasoning with this person, any attempt resulted in further attack. None of the problem that started the attack was my fault, I was in the center of a confluence of events. But the caller couldn't hear it.

And afterwards...well, I'm left with my stomach hurting. This isn't the first time I've been verbally attacked by this person. It won't be the last, if I stay that long. Because, you see, I went in hating my job - knowing that I don't want to wake up to the sick anxiety that I feel on Monday mornings for much longer. I've been here before with this job, but never, on the same day, have I had the same job bring me to tears. My mental health and well-being are too important to sacrifice.

So I start looking. I haven't looked in about a year, and I don't know how quickly this will move. I really don't have lot's of time off to burn, especially since I'm committed to this job for at least another 80 days or so (that's the countdown to London, fact fans). I can't look too much this month with the move. But I'm putting this intention into the world...I want a new job.

Onto something more positive: Fred asked the meaning that my tattoos had for me. The first tattoo, the tree with a crescent moon, was a present for my 28th birthday. Your 28th year is approximately the beginning of Saturn return, and is a year of transition and growth. It is the year that sets the tone for the next 28. I moved across country and started my grad program the same year.

I'd wanted a tattoo for a long time. I'd been looking at a lot of flash in magazines and on-line. This was the first thing that I saw that spoke to me. I love trees. I love how solid they are. In Norse mythology it is a tree (Ygdrassil) which holds up the different layers of the world. The end of the world is when the world tree dies. I also do a tree visualization when I want to ground and draw energy from the earth.

The second was one I had created. The rune symbols are a dedication of sorts...to Freyja and her guidance in my life. The larger animal symbols I chose because I love Viking art and wanted to incorporate it into the tattoo. This one seemed the most appropriate...besides which, it has a dog as a part of it. I love dogs.

Well, friends, as Scarlet would say, "Tomorrow is another day."

3 comments:

Aravis said...

You put the intention to find a new job out into the world, and I will put out the hope that you find it. What a terrible situation to find yourself in. I'm so sorry, but happy that you're taking this initial step to make things better for yourself.

sunshine said...

Two things.

One. I was visitor 15500. I know I still owe you a question. It's on it's way soon.

Two. I really hope you are correct about the 28th year being the beginning of change for the next 28.

the urban fox said...

Thinking great big positive thoughts for you about the job. Nobody should have to take that sort of abuse. You can and will find something better. Stay positive until then.