I know, I know. I shouldn't expect much while I'm not feeling well. And realistically, I don't have all the information I need to make up my mind. And I don't even really need to make up my mind right now. But I hate to wait, and I wish that I could just move forward without feeling like I'm going to blow my emotional world apart.
So, perhaps I should daydream...In the world of my fantasies, where I could have everything that I want - what would that look like? Ultimately, it would involve me not feeling like my needs are going to overwhelm everyone I touch. That I could just be me without hiding or holding back what I feel. That I would feel like I had "enough."
I would have work that I loved that allowed me to live comfortably. I would be free of debt. Somehow, magically, all my friends and family would live close (but far enough away, in the case of family, to be comfortable).
And then there is that touch issue again. I would have someone who would touch me on a daily basis: hold my hand, kiss me, snuggle, sex...even just lean against me.
Oh, and I would have a dog.
God's but I wish I would start feeling better soon. Being sick apparently makes me melancholy.