Thursday, July 20, 2006

"Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out"

Yesterday was a really yucky day for me. I had a day of feeling like I was disappointing people left and right. I know it's not the truth, but once I was feeling that way, it just seemed to spiral into the rest of the day. I topped the day with having to tell the coordinator for LVC that I won't be able to lead the process groups next year. Not only is that hard for them because they need to find someone else to do it, but that was really hard for me. I love doing it, but I also know that the idea of not having that responsibility for awhile will be really nice.

I had a long, really helpful talk with SlowTalker last night, and I'm feeling a bit more on my feet. But tomorrow, I have to talk to my therapist about taking a break in August from therapy. I just don't have the money coming in right now. It sucks, but I literally don't know where the money would come from to pay for it.

Which brings me to my private practice. I have not had any new referrals that have stuck. I'm feeling really nervous about it. I know that there are some things that I can do, but I'm pretty worried. I'm actually working on an idea for a group starting in September - which means I need to get flyers out soon! And as my dialysis colleague puts it, I need to get on insurance I'll be working on that on Friday.

Despite yesterday's low, I do have to take a moment right now to sing the praises of psychopharmacology. I had a dream last night that I was feeling down for several days. In my dream, I told B that she should remind me to talk to my MD about increasing my anti-depressant. I didn't like what yesterday was like, but it's the first time that I've felt that way for the end of last year, I was feeling that way every day. And despite my anxiety about my finances, I am not having panic attacks or insomnia over it as I would have then. It's good to feel resilliant!

Okay, important paperwork to do today. I've gotta go!


Hyde said...

Wow. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate!

Hope everything's okay.


Aravis said...

I hate when I feel like that. Even though you know it isn't true intellectually, it's hard to convince yourself emotionally. I hope the feeling stays gone for a very long time!

As for having to tell your boss that you can't help out next year, I understand why you felt badly, especially given the space you were in. But you did give plenty of notice, and I'm sure they'll pull through.

Sorry about your therapy in August. That really sucks. But it sounds like you have some good ideas for drumming up more business for your private practice. I know that I would have been extremely comfortable working with you if I lived out there and met you as a therapist. You have a way about you that comes across even in this forum. Hang in there and believe in yourself, knowing that we all believe in you too! :0)

shorty said...

I don't know if I'm butting in too much, but have you gone to big businesses and offered your services at a lower cost? Or even offered a few free sessions? The way/reason I found my therapist is through my job. They have an EAP.

I'm sure you have thought about it, but was just trying to help.

I'm sure things will work out, you are very resourseful.