So just to clarify, the fear mentioned previously is completely connected to this idea that I'm going to overwhelm people and that there are negative consequences for asking for and getting what I want. It's only natural that my twisted mind would attach to something so extreme, sometimes. I do realize that this idea is not based in any sort of reality, but it was really good to identify where the image first came from and to get mad at it.
I also have an irrational fear about leaving the coffee pot on and burning down my apartment. This, I'm pretty sure, is attached to the idea that if I am not able to control a situation (leaving my apartment alone and out of my control), then it will somehow be disastrous.
Oh, yes, there are good reasons why I'm seeing my therapist.
I recently experienced the irrational fear that S would break up with me. It was while he was away. It made me cry. It was stupid. I haven't figured out what that's attached to yet.
Okay, well, I'm off to do some training.
And then there is reality...
S had called and left a message on my cell yesterday, which my cell phone didn't tell me I'd gotten (or the 2 other that showed up, sorry B & MSWstudent). When I called him today, he told me that he'd been worried because he hadn't heard from me. Then he said, "I like you a lot!" *melt*
Not only is this just lovely to hear, it is such a refreshing change from the guilt trip that my family would have given me in subtle and not so subtle ways.
So now I'm floating. (and it just goes to show how silly irrational fears really can be)