Saturday, March 10, 2007

It's lovely outside

The sun is shining. The calalilies and jasmine and little yellow wild flowers are blooming. There is a slight breeze and warmness. Perfect, yes?

No. Yesterday and today, I've just felt drugged. I take a claritin in the morning and a benadryl at night. I snort Flonase and Nasalcrom like they are liquid cocaine (well, not quite as frequently). And I still want to rip the sinuses out of my head.

This morning, S and I talked about my allergies. We were originally talking about my increased activities. I told him how difficult it had been to get my body moving feeling like this. He made a comment about learning how to induce a different state. And I got mad.

I've been upset or mad with S before, but this time I told him I was feeling mad. Of course, I couldn't tell him that I was mad at him at first. After he continued to encourage me I told him I was mad at him and why. He then asked me to give voice to that part of me. I couldn't, so I did what that part of me wanted to do. I pushed him a couple of times (we were lying down, so he wasn't going to fall). Then, unbelievably, this little, tiny three year old voice came out with the pushing. "Mean! Go away!" Okay, so it was a two year old voice.

His response was incredible. He held me and made me feel safe. He let me push him. He let me cry. I've never had anyone do that.

All wonderful, yes?

No. Because the crying caused the damned sinuses to get worse!

After eating breakfast, we talked about things I could research that might lead to some allergy relief...masks (strangely, even though I hate the idea, this might not be a bad idea), local honey, figuring out how to reduce the amount of pollen in my hair. Then he explained his comment about inducing a different energetic state.

He and I chased one another around the house trying to touch hands (can't really describe it now, but the idea is more that we were moving and having a good time, while trying not to break a toe by running into random things around the house). By the time it was done, I was more alert and focused. It worked damnit!

I just hate how much my reaction to pollens overtakes my life.

In other news, S and I met up on Thursday to listen to a guy talk about his lifelong research on bats. It was really cool. Did you know that bats aren't actually rodents? And that their wings are really fingers with joints? And that they like tight spaces in which to sleep?

I met up with S again last night. We ate hotdogs on the CAL campus, then went to see the CAL women's gymnastics meet. So, if you like gymnastics, you really should get out to a local meet. It only cost $8 and some of these women were as good as what you see on the Olympics. S tells me that it is more likely to see actual past Olympians at the men's meets. After the meet, there was an exhibition by a group of girls that were no older than perhaps 5th or 6th grade. And after that a handstand contest. Cool!

Hey, if you want some hilarity...go visit Smart Bitches. They've posted more romance novel covers. It had me crying again.


Aravis said...

My sympathies on the sinus problems! And what a loving response from S when you let your feelings out.

I think bats are adorable. There used to be one between the window panes and the screen in my therapist's office. So cute!

Cody Bones said...

Spins, dumb question, but have you ever gotten allergy shots? I can only speak for myself, but it changed my life.

Hippy Chick said...

yay i'm glad you got some relief and at least had a safe space to be angry. i'm so psyched to hear about the gymnastics meets, i definitely want to go to one - hope you're feeling better today bonita!

Hyde said...

I keep trying to understand your relationship with S, but I don't quite get it. Anyway, sounds like the gymnastics and bats were fun!