I could, after all, be a public official who got caught buying sex to the tune of $80,000. Or I could be a cop who fell asleep at the wheel and killed to 2 bicyclists on a beautiful Sunday morning.
No, seriously, these things sometimes make me feel better. Things have been kind of stressful lately, but at least I can go home at night and I am not haunted by my actions.
You see, I realized last night (even as I had a hard time falling asleep) that I've come a long way with my self-esteem. I know that I am not superwoman, so there are some things in my life I can let go of a bit. And I have learned that I am a fairly smart, competent woman who has friends she admires and loves who admire and love her back.
I have a disfunctional family, but really who doesn't?..and on a range of disfunction, well we're still managing to hang on to something of normalcy.
I have a solid job. It's sometimes a drag, sometimes really hard, sometimes dreadfully boring. But it pays my bills and it lets me do some things that I really like doing. And I have my private practice that doesn't pay for much, but is my heart.
I have a wonderful partner who has opened my world up to so many new things and helped me find confidence in myself. I am happy and in love, something I really imagined I would never be, at one point in my life.
On Monday, I sent out an e-mail to some of my friends. It's a meme I'd gotten earlier that morning. The instruction was for them to respond back to me with one word that they felt described me. Here's what I got: beautiful, limitless, freespirited, brilliant, embracing, listener. Wow! I think that I'm someone I'd like to be friends with.