There is something going on. I've been staying up far later than I usually do, which means that I am not getting enough sleep. I was aware earlier in the week of feeling somewhat anxious but I put that off to worrying about taking my test. Now, I don't know.
I think I'm just experiencing a nice sense of general overwhelm. I need to talk to S about this. I need to talk to my therapist about this. It creeps up on me sometimes, and I am left feeling like I want to crawl under the covers. This time, it seems like more of a vague background fog.
I don't really like it.
It (and my allergies) are leaving me feeling very tired.
Speaking of allergies, I had a really bad experience with them last night. I was aware that it was a bad allergy day yesterday during our social work meeting, but I didn't leave the building all day. When I did, I quickly started getting really groggy and congested. By the time I got home (with the intention of going for a walk), I was starting to feel tightness in my chest. I ended up taking a benedryl and a puff of my inhaler (something I rarely do when I'm not exercising).
I felt better, but really sleepy all night...I still stayed up later than I should.
Speaking of our social work meeting...I got really frustrated with the way conversation went yesterday. We got onto the topic of dissatisfaction with work. Now I know that this company isn't perfect. I know this isn't the way I imagined social work. But I challenge anyone out there in the field to admit that they embrace all of the things they have to do in their jobs and wish that there were no changes.
We all have to make compromises in what we do for our clients based on the needs of the agency or setting we are in, and in this case, our setting is a for-profit company with its attendant profit-making function. Is this the ideal? No, but there is no ideal. I can work here and do the best that I can for my patients, or I can work for a non-profit where I will have more stress based on job security issues, and perhaps fewer resources to offer my clients.
I am extremely privileged to work where I do and feel secure in what I do, and I know that my patient's get good care and have access to many more resources than they would be otherwise (and, yes, it sucks that they have to be on dialysis to access them, but that is a larger societal problem I feel to tired to address today).