Thursday, June 12, 2008

"No one gets to miss the storm of what will be..."

I'm not having a great week. I'm losing weight again. I'm nauseous again. I'm having more pain. I just don't feel good. And I'm afraid.

I'm afraid that they are going to find something on the 23rd. I'm afraid that they aren't (and that there aren't easy solutions to what I'm experiencing).

And the fear, of course, doesn't help. It's made being back at work that much harder and my anxiety level over smallish things is through the roof. I can't tell if it's the anxiety that's making me feel foggy all the time or if it's not feeling well.

I know that this is mostly just about learning to live in a place of uncertainty, but it really sucks.

I would like to register a complaint with the Powers that Be...I did really ask for this. I think that there should be fair warning. Can I sue for pain and suffering?

I've wanted to talk to S all week, but he's been involved in a conference in the City and I can't reach him.

Have I mentioned this sucks?


Hippie Chick said...

Hang in there girlfriend, keep breathing, do things that are relaxing to you. I know it's not easy to get your mind off a potential diagnosis when you are experiencing these symptoms - remember that you tend to be very affected by the heat and that some of your sx can be exacerbated by anxiety. Do a hot tub at night, treat yourself to a massage or mani/pedi, watch something funny on tv. Sit and do some deep breathing.
Sending you much love and virtual hugs.

spinsterwitch said...

Thanks, HC. I've been trying to relax, definitely. And I'm being as gentle to myself as I can.

It helped that I got to talk to my parents (who are still on the road today).

Oh, speaking of funny - Vince Vahn did a comic tour (Vince Vahn's Wild West Comedy Tour). The DVD of that is pretty good.