I wish I could be more creative on my titles these days.
Friday was a busy day, seeing my naturopath and a new client. I had one of those "no-shit!" moments with my naturopath. She'd had me fill out a food chart. Then one of her first comments was "you are not eating enough to be as big as you are." She then started asking me about my portion sizes. She's thin (and I'm guessing comes from thin people), but seriously when will people get that food is only a part of the equation. I have generations of fat people in my dad's side of the family...and this was when they were farmers living off the land. They were not sedentary people.
This comes on the heals of SS telling me about her doctor refusing to give her a physical therapy referral until she loses weight. She's recommended Jenny Craig (which makes me see red...and if you want to know why, just e-mail me) or Overeater's Anonymous. Let's just be clear, SS eats more lightly than I do. She attends 2 dance classes a week (plus an extra hula practice on the weekends), and walks on other days. I'm going to help her look for a new doctor.
Anyway, SS & I went to see the performance that night of Big Moves and other dance groups. It was awesome. There were men and women and boys and girls of all body sizes dancing and having a fabulous time on stage. These are not professional dancers, so there were some stumbles and wobbles, but there were sublime moments as well.
Saturday, I met up with S in the afternoon. We talked about what had happened this week. It was helpful. I had misinterpreted some of his non-verbal reactions into something other than what they were (yeah, I have to remember I'm not good at reading minds). But I was spot on on other things.
We each talked about our own resistance in this relationship, and I talked about my frustration and not entirely understanding why things are the way that they are. As painful as it is, I think that what's clear is that (despite the fact that we both love one another) he believes that he wants something different. He also believes that I want something he can't give me (or would want it if I could think about things clearly...I'm not sure how to do that when love is so strong). He's making his idea a reality, unfortunately, when he isn't willing to give me something that I need for fear that he will bind me ever closer to him to my detriment. Blah!
Yes, it all goes in circles and it's all frustrating. And we have more to talk about. And I feel infinitely sad about it all when I let myself think of it.
We spent the rest of the day in adventures...lunch at a Mexican restaurant with an Italian name. Followed by the traditional corn tortilla toss in the parking lot (don't worry, we didn't leave the tortilla on the ground).
Then we went to Playland Not-at-the-Beach. It's a museum of amusement parks/circuses which focuses mostly on SF's Playland at the Beach which closed in the late '60s. It was great fun, especially since there are play-all-you-want pinball machines in the back rooms. That rocked.
Sunday, I met with some folks who are interested in forming a magic working group together. It was good food and good discussion. I took myself to see The City of Ember after that. I really enjoyed it. I want to see it again and think more about it's themes.
I've been achy a lot this weekend and tired. I don't know if I'm fighting something new or if this is just a flare up of symptoms I usually have. But I'm trying to get a lot of sleep and pay attention to it. Lot's of hot baths has been good.
It's a new week: SS is leaving for HI on Wednesday. Her mom (who I have issues with even though we've never met) is coming here the same day and will be staying through Thanksgiving. So I probably won't see her as much as I usually do for the rest of the month. I'm actually pretty busy this week with a potluck on Wednesday, and clients, etc. A good thing. Staying busy distracts me.