Thursday, May 05, 2005

Alas, Poor Jack

So sometimes I'm reminded by a bolt out of the blue that my life just ain't that fucked up. Today it was in the form of a posting on M4W on craigslist. I've seen similar postings before, and have, in fits of self-pity, composed things like this in my head. But never has sanity ever flown so far to allow me to compose, then post, such vitriole in the public domain. It is sad and worrisome when I think about who might actually respond to this.

Read on:

"You've seen the joke about the female skeleton sitting at the bus stop waiting for the perfect man, well it’s true! Instead of having a good guy and a healthy sex life woman today just like to play games. Well you are the loser. You can get into spiritualism, pets, cooking, shopping and radiate your brain yaking away thousands of minutes on the cell phone with other single lonely game playing woman giving themselves brain cancer instead of having healthy sex.

"I may not be the brightest guy on the planet, and I can deal with that. I can tell you one thing though, and you can take this to the bank, if you have a stack of self-help books at the side of your bed guess what? you’re going to die single, alone, no man. You’re living life as if it was a video game, always pretending. You’re not flying a plane, you’re sitting in an arcade surrounded by other game playing females feeding quarters into a machine pretending to fly. To really fly takes a lot more effort, intelligence and risk and your not willing to take the risk because you’re a self centered, fluffy, take no risk, it’s all about me, pretence of a woman, you know who you are and I am sorry if the truth hurts.

"Well now that you know that I know who you are, it’s time for you to know who I am. I am real man, that’s rights baby, 100% MAN. And as real MAN I know what a real woman wants and needs. So if you’re a real woman write me back, I am a gentleman and will be there for you the way a real MAN should.

"I am a white male, 48 years old, have a job and live alone. I keep my place clean and would love to have you over for some Bar B Que and watch a DVD on my large flat screen with surround theater sound system.

"Don’t let this opportunity to have a real man pass you by, instead of looking at the woman on this man’s arm wishing you were her you could be her if you stop pretending! Now toss out those self help books and get real. Jack"


Gladys Cortez said...

Sometimes, the jokes just write themselves.

Two words, though: CLOSET. CASE. Anyone who has to emphasize what a "100% MAN!!!!!!!!!!!" he know the rest.

spinsterwitch said...

Yes, indeed, methinks he doth protest too much. The other thought I had was that he's the type of guy that would go to a dom on the side. And of course, there's the strong possibility he's just a little paranoid and crazy.

Ka said...

And he's telling us why WE'RE single?!

Forgive me while I go fish my eyebrows back from my hairline. That's brilliantly horrid.