I promise to stop being so cranky someday, but today this particular issue is getting on my last nerve. On this on-line dating site that I've been frequenting, there are often postings for BBWs (Big Beautiful Women, for those not in the know). At first I would stop to check them out because I myself am a woman of size (that's right, I'm fat). But lately, I've been reading those ads in somewhat of the same way that you keep probing a sore tooth. You know it's still going to hurt, but somehow you still need to check.
You see, these ads are invariably from men who claim to be fit, handsome, funny, yada-yada who have a secret attraction to large women. However, it seems, that their attraction simply runs to the casual encounter. There is often the dangling lure of the potential for something more, if there is a shared connection. But the underlying message, for all but the blind, is that the guy basically just wants sex.
Now I guess I wouldn't get so pissy about this, but I honestly don't recall any ads on this board seeking BBWs that was looking for a LTR. Other posters seeking the slim, petite, etc. are equally as honest about their desire for casual encounters (which then should really be posted in the "Casual Encounters" section, I think), but they are balanced by those posting for a relationship.
I am left wondering about this phenomenon that seems to exist. These men seem to me either shallow or simply too locked into their fears about what other people will think to pursue what could be a potential relationship with a larger woman. And since I'm pretty sure that these ads wouldn't flourish if there weren't some takers, I get curious about what is going on for these women. I don't deny that there are a number for whom anonymous sex is a pleasure they pursue for pleasure's sake. But I do wonder about the humiliation that must come from having sex with people who aren't willing (or able) to consider a commitment (or, in some cases, being seen in public) with you.
5 comments:
Sadly some of my neandathall (sp?) brothers still say abhorrent things like "fat girls try harder cos they don't get it much" & other such shit.
I suspect some of the same slime caught your attention.
People drive me mad sometimes. How pathetic they are.
A blatant attempt to get traffic including a link, but it was also an inspiring post.
http://mark-reed.blogspot.com/2005/05/life-makes-me-sad.html#comments
Ooh! See this big flashing light on my forehead right here? That's The BBW Rant Button, and honey, you've just smacked it.
My ex-husband was one of those. And since he was also a manipulative, cheating lying slimeball, he would bring these women to MY (not his--he never paid a dime and so it was MY apartment, goddammit) apartment and expect me to be friends. (Yes, you read that right.)
What I learned from this experience:
1. Women who self-identify as BBWs generally do so because it brings them attention from a certain kind of men. After all--would there be a need to discuss such characteristics if, say, they were just looking for friends?
2. The cattiness level among these alleged coalitions of BBWs (chatrooms, etc) is simply not to be believed. Because, see, they're competing for the same small subgroup of men....
3. ...who are not generally worthy to carry these women's dirty gymsocks.
I'm sure there are exceptions to this rule, but so far in my life I have not met a self-identified BBW with truly healthy self-esteem, and I have not yet met a man who prefers BBWs who is not a manipulative creep.
(And believe me--I know from manipulative creeps!!)
End rant. I feel better now. :)
Thanks, everyone for commenting. Gladys, I have to agree...I actually don't identify as BBW (and would never post that way, obviously) because I feel like it categorizes me in a certain way. And you are right about the competition and cattiness.
All that being true, don't you sometimes envy those ladies on the cheesy daytime talk shows who dance and jiggle and parade around their non-conformist beauty? Surely there are some women who truly do accept themselves for who they are (even if there is a tiny voice deep inside them, as in all of us, wondering why they are not a size 4).
I posted a quote from a friend's email in my blog a while back, but I'm going to repost it here because it's damn empowering:
"While I don't think there will ever be a widespread acceptance of the "heavy" figure, I definitely think the body style of Jennifer Lopez, Kate Winslet, or Alicia Silverstone is going to make a comeback. Marilyn Monroe still casts too great a shadow over us. How can we possibly claim that the Auschwitz-survivor look is the eptiome of beauty, when the near universally acknowledged sex-goddess of all time outweighs that bracket by 50 pounds?
At the end of the day, women have to look like women. Too many muscles make them look like men. Too many boney joints make them look like boys. We can brainwash young men with pulp magazines about what they are "supposed" to find attractive until the cows come home, but put them in a room with Rita Hayworth and Mae West and their hormones will take over. You can't beat biology, baby."
Post a Comment