I wrote a long post and now I've scrapped it. I'm starting over.
Mystic commented that my lack of lovers must be entirely of my own doing because such a warm hearted good looking person would surely have people interested in them.
I have built boundaries around myself, it is true. Some of them so tall, I could barely see over them to know when someone was interested in me. Some of them so thick that I've felt like the only person in the world.
But, as with any fortress, my defenses have had doors, and sometimes I have thrown them open in welcome. And no one came (no pun intended). And all walls have weakness, and there was never anyone who was interested enough to find them.
I have struggled with this issue for many years. I know that I am not the most forward of women. Indeed some might find me shy. But, while I am not a great charmer or terribly flirtatious, I am at least open to an approach.
I guess I don't know what more to do than what I am...trying to date and meet someone I like and trust enough, but given that I haven't had much luck with that...
And now I find myself sad again. A familiar, but not good place for me to be again.
I still can't connect at the new place (they take so long to switch to a new address), so you all have a good weekend.
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6 comments:
I thought I'd just say...the sadness is not big, just a little. So no worries.
We all have walls Spinny. But like all great civilizations, they eventually fall. *hugs*
Hi! Two things--
First of all, I agree with Mystic. In terms of lovers, I'm sure it's something you're doing-- a vibe you're giving off--and not who you are. I really can't believe that you wouldn't have a whole string of suitors to choose from. But I understand it. Believe it or not, I go through long periods in which I feel like there's no one who wants me, no one who asks me out, etc. But I know it has to be something I'm doing b/c in other periods, it's not a problem at all. I spent nearly two years like that after B and I broke up-- not even a single date.
Second-- (and less significantly) back in November, I mentioned "The Life of Pi" on my blog and you said "There's a brilliant chapter in it that I give to clients sometimes. It's about fear." Well, I just finished the book. Which chapter is the one you give out?
Hope you are well!
-h-
Have a good weekend, Spins!
Thanks for the hug!
xo
LL
Keep getting out there and meeeting and dating. You're doing the right thing, and someone will find the door.
I don't think it's a vibe it's probably less suttle like a hammer. The problem is that when we're rejecting people and pushing them away, the last to see what we're doing is ourselves.
No one has the perfect date or the perfect intimate relation first time around. Like anything else Love and sex take practice to get right.
I am about to do a No, No. I am going to dispense some advice.
You say that you are Bi. If I were you I would go to a gay club. Women are way more sensitive about these things than men. I would tell people about your being a virgin and ask for help. I am sure you would have no problem finding a caring willing partner.
I say this because I think it is important to get the first time out of the way. This will help in the self esteem department, as you will no longer feel like an oddity
There you go I went out on the line
but I stick by my theory.
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