I've been trying to frame a post about my relationship with S...to let people know more clearly what commitment that I am making to him...to try to justify my actions in face of my beliefs and what I perceive to be other people's beliefs.
But, you know what, I don't feel like justifying how I live or love. And, really, who am I justifying anything to? I love you guys, I really do, but in the end, it's my life and I need to find the way to live it that feels most alive and satisfying to me.
So here it is: I have asked S to be my master. This would mean that I would give him the rights over my time, my body, my ideas...to shape to his whim.
We've had a trial period of this, and I have never felt so truly alive or happy before. I want this - I want this, in particular, with this man. I love him, so that is a definite influence, but more than that he is truly a master at being a master. He calls on my strengths, not my weaknesses, to bind me to him.
We are talking, at length, about what this means (sometimes he processes more than I like...and I'm the therapist), and whether I am truly ready for this. It is hard to be in limbo with it...it brings up all my feelings of insecurity and fear.
So that is that. My odd relationship choice.
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6 comments:
Wow! That is a huge committment. I would like to offer up a blog that might be of interest: cunningminx.livejournal.com
She doesn't talk about it all that much, but she has a Master.
It sounds like there are many interesting things ahead for you!
Stuff like this is really hard to talk about, I'm glad you are, Spins.
I'm not sure what I think about this, except of course, that it's your life and your choice in how to live it! I also have a definite hungering for submissiveness, but I am beginning to learn that giving power to another human being over me is not the way for me to go... rather that I need to turn my will over to something else, not someONE else. But because I've thought about all of these things a lot, I'm really interested to see where this new adventure takes you. Of course, I wish you all the happiness in the world!
Hello Spin - put me down for another of what Lizzy said.
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I also second what Lizzy wrote. If it's right for you, it's fine with me. :0)
Ditto for me Spins, if it makes your life happy, then by all means, go for it. Now, if you could just have a chat with my wife??? Hmm. (JK)
Hello, I've not posted here before, but fascinated by your post here. Like Hyde, I too have a hankering towards submissiveness. I've dabbled here and there and would be interested in developing it further. Not the easiest thing to broach with a potential new man though!
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