"Who can make the sun shine, on a cloudy day?"

I've been thinking a lot about my childhood. Somewhere back there, I got the idea that I wasn't lovable, and I really want to get past that.

So I'm asking myself...the self I was at about age 4 when she felt left alone or unwanted. The first thing that popped into my head was a memory of a picture that was taken at the beach with me sitting on my dad's stomach. I love that picture, but my father didn't want it shown to anyone because he looks fat. I didn't get it then...he looked like dad - and there I am, obviously happy, on dad's stomach. I realized that it felt rejecting of me...and suddenly I wanted that picture really badly.

Then I remembered how upset I would get when my mom would go to work on the weekends or on holidays. I hated it, and there was nothing she could do about it because she was working as a nurse.

My nickname, in my family, is Tigger. I was named that because I was bouncy just like Tigger. But somewhere along the line, I lost my bounce. I want it back.

My younger self is also telling me that I need to take the big stuffed dog that's been in my trunk since I've moved and bring it in the house. With CollegeFriend here, this might be a little embarressing, but I'm going to do it anyway.