Thursday, April 10, 2008

Cody's Questions

OOOOO Questions! I like them. If anyone has any questions they want to ask me, please do.

1. Do you still have a full Poly relationship with S and SS? What exactly is the status of SS?

This is an interesting question. To put our dynamic into "poly terms" S is the primary partner for both SS & I. I have tended to think of SS as S' primary, but this was not something that he had said and probably came from my own insecurities. I have felt this way less and less over time, too, to the point that it does not really fit. But there is the D/s dynamic in this too. SS & I are submissive. S is dominant. Although SS & I have a relationship as submissives, we do not have a primary bond with one another outside of that. Within my relationship with S, she is sometimes my lover. Outside of my relationship with S, I think of her as a friend (although that relationship is sometimes rocky). As to S & SS' relationship with one another, that is their story and not mine to share.

2. Tell us about S. From posting, I gather he is older than you, and possibly retired from the tech industry, he might be Jewish, and I think that there was a mention of a beard. Let us know more (if you want)

S is 13 years older than me and he is retired from work. However, he does play at many things, some of which are income producing. For instance, he continues to be an adjunct professor at CAL. He worked for years in biopharmaceutical development, both in a development role and as an engineer. He is Jewish and it is through him that I get to take part in different Jewish traditions. I enjoy this a great deal. Although I don't believe in the same god as he, I love the traditions and I appreciate the drive out of which worship in a god comes. He does have a beard...he's had one since he became an adult.

I love talking about him, as he's a really dynamic and smart guy. He's also a geek. I think that that's part of the definition of being an engineer, but I don't know. He's a bit of a perfectionist in everything that he does. The stage combat test we just took was a bit of a disappointment, as he'd been sick for about 2 weeks before it, and we had not had time to practice and make our own takes to perfect the fight. He's an introvert, but he likes to go out and do things. We've discussed how hard it is to meet people, but he can be the most direct person I know if he wants to meet someone.

I have a lot of steretypes about men, and engineers, so it is always shocking how much he values and is good at processing feelings. I think he may have a bit of lesbian in him because sometimes he likes processing more than me, and I'm a therapist. He's really into movement and dance and his aerial dance interest keeps him really strong. He loves the outdoors and goes hiking and camping to experience those things. His mind is also quite active and he is always seeking out things to keep him engaged.

I love him. I feel safe and challenged by him.

3. Is this the first Poly relationship for S and SS, or do they have other experiences?

S has had many poly/open relationships. He is very open with his partners, though. I really appreciated this about him. And safe sex is a strong value for him...another thing I really appreciate about him. I don't think that SS had been in such a relationship before S.

4. Where do you see the relationship heading? What will it look like in 2, 3 or 5 years?

This is an interesting question. It is, of course, a question that seems natural to ask, but when I read it, my immediate response was to question what "heading" meant. Long before I met S, I knew that I did not want to have children. I also had a sense that getting married was not something I valued strongly. It had been such a long time since I had been in any romantic relationship that I didn't really have a "plan" for what that relationship would look like when I got into it.

I don't think I could have predicted this relationship, anyway. S really is unlike anyone I've ever met. The relationship we have is something I had fantasized about, but it is both more emotionally fullfilling and more mundane than I had imagined. But where it is going and what it will look like? I don't know. I don't care. I love it for what it is. I want to continue to be with S as long as this works for us. I imagine that to be a long time. I can actually imagine it to be for the rest of our lives, but there are many changes that can happen.

One of the things that is very interesting about our relationship is that we do not live together. This works well for us, and I think that that is the way it will continue.

Okay, then. This is a long post. Thanks for the quesions. Ask more if you want.


Hyde said...

Thanks for answering all those questions! I have always been fascinated by the nature of your relatinoship with S and SS. Glad to see you so happy and fulfilled...


Anonymous said...
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Cody Bones said...

Umm, WTF

Aravis said...

Yeah, that was quite a mouthful, eh?

On another note:

Thanks for that glimpse into your relationship with S and SS. He sounds supportive and nurturing, and I'm glad that you have that. It can't always be easy- the occasional awkwardness with SS for example- but it sounds as though it is fulfilling for you. And anyway, no relationship is easy.

As long as you're happy, that's what matters. :0)

spinsterwitch said...

Sorry about the person who seems more than slightly mentally ill. I only had to read the first sentence to know that this was a delete comment opportunity.