Saturday's are always a bit of a mixed bag since it's technically a work day for me. But I love the work with my private clients. So it's nicer work, usually. I was feeling off on Saturday. I'd been feeling off for several days which I still don't know if it was viral/bacterial or allergies.
I spent the afternoon napping (I did some grocery shopping beforehand), then got up to go to a potluck for the new Lutheran Volunteer Corps volunteers this year. It struck me that it had been 15 years since I'd started my first year. Where has all the time gone?
I have mixed feelings about these sorts of events. I like seeing people, but they are often so big and crowded that it is hard to have real conversations with people about anything. I'm left feeling a bit alone often. I didn't stay for everything (there was going to be a house-blessing, etc), but headed out after about an hour and a half.
The rest of the evening...I watched Lewis Black on Broadway and laughed my ass off. Then listened to the first hypnotherapy session.
I went to the Claremont Cafe in the morning for my usual Sunday pancakes, then came home to do a little cleaning and spent the morning mostly just luxuriating in time off.
SS came by around 2 p.m. and we headed out for the Oakland Art & Soul Festival. It happens yearly over Labor Day weekend and there are always fabulous bands (local & nationally known) and food and art and clothes. I'm not always the biggest fan of crowds and I may not have chosen to attend, except that the Indigo Girls were playing...and I love me some Indigo Girls.
I think that I started listening to them in about '88 or '89. I was in college and still living in the dorm, so that seems about right. I saw them first in concert in '91 and they are always awesome. This Sunday was no exception. The music rocked and they are just incredible performers.
SS & I went for dinner at the Pyramid Brewing Company after that. I was sad to find that they have discontinued serving all but one of the Thomas Kemper sodas. I had some lovely discussions with SS, and I proposed the idea of the 2 of us going on a trip together next year sometime.
Oh how lovely to consider Monday as a part of the weekend! I got up and made breakfast and coffee. I was doing crosswords when S called and I went over to his place to wake-up with him. We have not snuggled in bed for a very long time and this felt good.
I suppose this is a good place to say that S and I discussed the questions that I gave him - well, he answered them and I mostly listened. We talked a lot about our relationship and how he feels about me. He is very commitment challenged, and I realize this. But I still don't feel like our time together is done.
I had sent him an e-mail with my wants and needs in a relationship with him. I realized that I have very different expectations and that a looser relationship than others have seems to fit very well for me right now. I don't know if this has to do with my own issues with depending on another, or if it has to do with not having a relationship for a very long time and becoming somewhat comfortable with a certain amount of independence. But there is where things stood until yesterday.
After snuggling, S made me 2nd breakfast. It was nummy and we talked about the MN State Fair (mom got 2 3rd place ribbons this year). Then we headed off on an adventure. We drove out to Martinez to a park out there that has a great skate park. There weren't a lot of kids there which is a shame. Then we wandered along the trails of the shoreline.
We spent about a half an hour standing on a bridge talking some more about our relationship. Some of it was scary, some of it was incredibly heartening, and some of it...well, I don't know. Here's where we stand, for the moment: we are both clear that we love each other, we would both like a physical relationship with one another, and we both really enjoy each other's company. Is this forever? I don't know, and he knows even less...but I told him that if I shied away from a relationship because I was afraid that it would end sometime in the future, I'd never get into another relationship.
After the talk, we headed out for some lunch, then I was feeling tired and took him home to return to my house for a nap.
I spent yesterday evening cooking and watching a new show that is leaving me feeling fascinated and horribly disturbed: Dexter. It's very ooky.
And, so here it is today. This week marks the 8th anniversary of my working here at this dialysis center. I never thought I would stay this long. It's pretty odd. I'm thinking of something to celebrate with my "teammates."
Now I have to go clean my mouse ball as the inability of my mouse to track is driving me up a wall.